Cute for a Chubby Girl

 

March 13, 2023 Regenerate Your World Build the future you want to live in. I know these times aren't the easiest for all of us, but I am an optimist - I see the glass as half-full, instead of half-empty. To brighten up your days, I publish the Regenerate Your World newsletter coming to your inbox on a bi-weekly basis. Let's Get Empowered!

Cute for a Chubby Girl Greetings Regenerate Your World Readers! We have a special guest writer this week, Renita Quirls. I met Renita when I was a guest on her podcast, Be Your Own Kind, (check out the episode on Exploring your "Why" on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IF-lQlvJiMU) I had a great time chatting with Renita and as we got to know each other I thought you would like to learn more about her too. Renita created The Be Your Own Kind Platform to promote self-love and the building of self-esteem. In a world that fosters monotonousness, her goal is to encourage individuality. The creator, Renita, plans to spread the word about living a life conducive to your personal goals and success. Instead of trying to find a lane, She learned it's best to create your own. Please visit www.beyourownkind.com to view all of her content. Below is a photo of Renita and her guest post. Thank you to Renita for hosting me and for sharing your story.  "You cute for a chubby girl." What does that even mean? How are weight and facial features related? And who decided that it was ok to express ignorance so freely? This statement did not stop at my weight but how I talked, the music I listened to, and even my hobbies. I was never a popular girl, but after a while, I aspired to be. Something must be wrong with me, I thought to myself as I sat alone at lunch daily. Did God make me invisible? I knew they had to have heard me if they could not see me, considering how far my voice projects. But even that was too loud, I needed to keep an inside voice, and my opinions were to stay to myself. So, I started journaling to God because it appeared he never grew tired of my words and thoughts. However, I often asked him to be somebody else and asked if I was here on Earth by mistake. I watched a lot of cartoons, so I imagined escaping from the baby factory and landing on my parents' doorstep. But, no matter how badly I prayed to be someone else, God wasn't listening, so I took matters into my own hands. I decided to reinvent myself and be what I thought others wanted me to be. I started listening to different music, changing how I dressed, and dumbing myself down. I no longer wanted to be the smartest in the room, just noticeable. The prettiest girls got the attention; they had friends and did not sit alone. The popular girls were picked first in gym class, and people wanted to talk to them all the time and not just for copying off their paper. This faux personality worsened after high school because I had taken on this persona full-time. I was playing the role for so long that I started to believe that's what I was. I tell people, never say what you are not going to do because, in all honesty, we are capable of doing practically anything. Unless you have been in a situation, you don't know your actual capacity and how far you will go to get what you are after. I was after acceptance, and I was willing to give up my identity for it. After years of this facade, I grew unhappy, and later I could no longer recognize myself. I was no longer in tune with my wants, desires, dreams, none of it. My life had been filled with others' expectations and wishes for my life. My decisions were based on people liking me, and my time was never mine. People's opinions were my roadmap; my brain was on auto-pilot, lacking intentionality. No matter how much I attempted to change in my mind, I was still that chubby girl. Even during that time, I was at my lowest weight; I was still her. I wanted not to be ashamed of her. She was beautiful in her own right. She was quirky, funny, and had a sunny-side outlook on life. She had a vivid imagination and no limits because God was her best friend. I wished she would've asked God to teach her how to be more comfortable in her skin rather than changing her to someone else. I wished she would've known how perfectly imperfect she was and that she was what God intended her to be. She did not give herself grace, and her need to be accepted superseded her learning of her self-worth. One day, I stood there staring at her in the mirror. As we stare at each other in the mirror, she cries. I try comforting her and telling her that people can be cruel sometimes. Then I later realized her tears weren't due to other people; it was because I did not think she was good enough. It was due to my attempts to edit everything about her. It was due to me rejecting her. What a hard epiphany to learn how much I have given up on myself. I had inadvertently become my worse enemy. At that moment, I incessantly cried for days. That was when I started to purge and feel the damage of the criticisms I received. I had to reverse my belief system and cut the roots of those defeating thoughts. I swear they were so loud and vivid that I could remember the voice of the person that spoke them. I later learned what loneliness was. Even in a room full of people, you can still feel lonely. The irony was I was the cure for my loneliness. I was the source of my happiness. God started to show me how wonderfully made I was and reassured me that I was here on purpose with a purpose. My mom later told me I stopped breathing during delivery when she was in labor, and they revived me. That let me know that God had me here for a reason; I was no accident. With this information, my life grew purposeful, and I needed to be more intentional about it. Through therapy, I learned that "fine" was not the only feeling I am allowed to feel. So, I permitted myself to be what I was at that moment. I was finally learning just to be. With this newfound feeling, I started a blog titled "Be Your Own Kind ." I wanted to share all of my experiences in case someone out there felt how I felt. I wanted them not to feel alone and learn how wonderful they were at an early stage in their life. Although I intended to help others, this platform has saved me in many ways. My hardcore journey for walking in my own kind began with this platform. A couple of years after I started the blog, I launched the Be Your Own Kind podcast, which allowed me to talk with some incredible people, including Julie Zarubo Fountaine. I learned and grew as a person from each person I interviewed. I even made some everlasting internet friends I hope to meet in person one day. But I knew that attracting your crowd comes from being who you are. Once you build that sense of self, people that are supposed to be in your life will gravitate toward you. But even without a tribe, I am always enough for myself. So, no matter where this platform takes me or how old I grow, I will always be that cute chubby girl. And I'm ok with that. Renita and I on her Podcast! Was this newsletter forwarded to you? Click here to get your own subscription. Poem about overcoming Still I Rise BY MAYA ANGELOU You may write me down in history With your bitter, twisted lies, You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I'll rise. Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom? ’Cause I walk like I've got oil wells Pumping in my living room. Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I'll rise. Did you want to see me broken? Bowed head and lowered eyes? Shoulders falling down like teardrops, Weakened by my soulful cries? Does my haughtiness offend you? Don't you take it awful hard ’Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines Diggin’ in my own backyard. You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I’ll rise. Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise That I dance like I've got diamonds At the meeting of my thighs? Out of the huts of history’s shame I rise Up from a past that’s rooted in pain I rise I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide, Welling and swelling I bear in the tide. Leaving behind nights of terror and fear I rise Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear I rise Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave, I am the dream and the hope of the slave. I rise I rise I rise.

In the Media Where can you find EMPOWER Possible? Besides posting on my own social media I also collaborate with other entrepreneurs. Most recently I was a guest on the Be Your Own Kind Podcast Check out the episode linked HERE to learn more about finding your "why" and the art of procrastination.

EMPOWER Possible Free Resources Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress — such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, or workplace and financial stressors. It means "bouncing back" from difficult experiences. Resilience is part of an emotional skill set. Complete this worksheet to start building resilience today. Click the link to download. Building Resilience Take a few minutes to relax and envision an empowered future. The act of visualization helps you to practice and imagine the future you would like to have. It directs your mind to focus on your goals for the future. Click the link below to get started. Empowerment visualization

Connect with me on social media! Copyright © EMPOWER Possible 4912 Idlewild St., Duluth, United States, 55804 EMPOWER Possible is dedicated to empowering individuals, organizations, and communities to organize and act together to regenerate our world through Self, Social, and Systems transformation. info@empowerpossible.com \ Website \ Mission

Arete: The Pursuit of Happiness: What does happiness mean to you?

 

January 30, 2023 Regenerate Your World  Build the future you want to live in. I know these times aren't the easiest for all of us, but I am an optimist - I see the glass as half-full, instead of half-empty. To brighten up your days, I publish the Regenerate Your World newsletter coming to your inbox on a bi-weekly basis. Let's Get Empowered!

Arete: The Pursuit of Happiness Arete is a word the Greeks came up it carries with it one of the greatest pursuits of humankind. Arete means “to exist to your full potential”. In past newsletters - https://empowerpossible.blogspot.com/ , I mentioned my training in positive psychology. I have attended many workshops and lectures about the various aspects of positive psychology and in turn have led many workshops on the topic. According to founders of positive psychology, Seligman and Csikszentmihalyi positive psychology is "the scientific study of what makes life most worth living",  or  "the scientific study of positive human functioning and flourishing on multiple levels that include the biological, personal, relational, institutional, cultural, and global dimensions of life". There are always many lessons I learn each time I present a workshop. There is one lesson in particular that stands out to me related to this topic. After leading a workshop series one of the participants mentioned in the last week of a 10-week workshop that she was very skeptical of this topic. The name of the workshop was called Happy Hour and she felt happiness is frivolous. I asked her to say more and she shared that she felt “there are many more important things in life to focus on than happiness. Yes, happiness is nice but I don’t feel like I can waste my time focusing on my happiness I have more important things to do”. After she shared I had to take a breath because we had just spent an hour a week for 10 weeks discussing the importance of happiness in our lives and developing skills to incorporate the lessons we discussed. I was feeling like I failed. While thinking about her statement she continued, “but after attending this class I see now that happiness is more than a frivolous feeling it is an act. My happiness means more than I thought. If I am happy it means that I am more fulfilled, and I am a better mom and co-worker. It doesn’t mean that life is perfect or that I am ignoring my problems it means that I can address my problems without letting them consume me”. As soon as she shared these statements I was glad that I didn’t rush to defend myself and the course content. I realized she did a better job summarizing the material than I could. I saw others in the room begin to nod and they continued to share how their perception of happiness has changed. They realized happiness is a skill. When I begin the Happy Hour workshop I start by sharing the concept of Arete. The definition of happiness that is the foundation for the workshop is happiness is achieved by striving to reach your full potential. Happiness is not just a mood it is work and work is not the opposite of happiness. Authentic Happiness allows us to experience the full range of human emotions, happiness is engaging in meaningful activities that we enjoy That doesn’t mean life is not stressful or that we do not need to work hard is simply means happiness is more complex than a yellow smiley face. Studies show that people who view work as less of a “job,” which is a chore and takes away from their free time, and more as a “career” or “calling” are exponentially more likely to feel fulfilled. These same people also invest more time in their work and are usually more successful. Researchers suggest you rethink each of your daily tasks. If you are a health professional, for example, and paperwork usually drains your energy, consider the purpose of the task. If you think of it as documenting the progress of a patient and making it easier for other health professionals to step in later, then it becomes easier to view your actions as contributing to the greater good. Now that we are beginning a new year it could be a good time to reflect on the past year.  Below are a few questions that can help you reflect ( no need to overthink, just write down what comes to mind): What contributed to your happiness last year, what moments brought you happiness, and what themes do you notice (nature, travel, food, friends, family)?  What would I like to have more of in my life? Start by brainstorming, but then try to go very specific. What do I need less of in my life? Get specific. What beliefs around happiness do you currently have?  Do these beliefs help you reach your full potential?  What's one thing that really helps you when you are feeling down?  Consider what beliefs support you in reaching your full potential and what beliefs you may need to shift. You have this one life to live and I know that you can live a fulfilling and happy life I FEEL THAT IN MY ENTIRE BEING. How?  Ditch the belief systems that tell you you can’t. Look for representations of what is possible and stay aligned to *that* Consider your support system- are you a rule follower or breaker-how do you set yourself up for success- does guidelines (setting a bed time, move by 3pm, 5-7 fruits and veggies a day) feel liberating or constricting?  Take a workshop or course about happiness and develop your happiness skill set. Go to EMPOWER Courses  Get a coach to help support you.  Lastly, what can you do today? Right at this moment to get started? Maybe it is writing down your commitment to the concept of Arete and reaching your full potential. Or it could be listing 3 things you are grateful for and why or taking five big deep belly breaths and releasing each breath with a smile. Whatever it is take a moment right now to do it. I am also here to support you. Please send me an email noting what steps you are going to take today to info@empowerpossible.com. The photo above is from a presentation I delivered at the MidWest Health Promotion Conference last year when I still worked at the College of St. Scholastica.  Something that helps me reach my full potential is delivering conference presentations. I used to despise public speaking. I even determined which grad school to attend based on schools that had non-teaching graduate assistantships. If I had to speak in public/teach that school was off the list. I since have overcome my fear of public speaking and it is something that I can find some joy in.  In order for me to overcome my fear I focus on the benefits that will result from doing what I am afraid of. I think about how my audience will benefit from what I have to share and that the audience is there because they are interested in what I have to say and want me to succeed and deliver a good presentation. This is an example of an activity that makes me happy but is also a lot of work. **Disclaimer - I do believe happiness in the context of arete is achievable for everyone and I would like to acknowledge mental health is on a spectrum ranging from clinical diagnosis to no clinical symptoms. Mental health is also different from mental well-being. Mental well-being is also on a spectrum from unwell to well. All of us fall somewhere on both spectrums and where we fall on the spectrum changes. Where we fall on the spectrum will affect us and our ability to achieve arete. Please do not be hard on yourself if arete does not come easily to you. You may need to focus on other areas of your well-being and mental health before focusing on arete.  Take care this week and always. Thank you for your readership! Together we can regenerate our world, Julie

The Choice Is Mine  By Abimbola T. Alabi I've had my share of troubles in life, though not as much as some have had. But I've discovered that happiness - or a lack of it - never really comes from my friends or foes. Although they do influence it, it's really up to me. Happiness Poem Life may not let me choose my lot, But whether I'd be happy or not... That is my choice. To leave hurtful memories behind Or allow them to bother my mind... The choice is mine. To fret over a mistake when it's done Or learn from it and move on... The choice is mine. To be bothered by all that people say Or ignore them and go my own way... The choice is mine. To hide my feelings, pent up, unspoken, Or say my mind and ease the burden... The choice is mine. To enjoy what I've been able to gain Or ungratefully regard it with disdain... The choice is mine. Sometimes I won't get to pick my lot, But whether I'll be happy or not Will always be my choice. Click to review EMPOWER Possible Free Resources

Connect with me on social media! Copyright © EMPOWER Possible 4912 Idlewild St., Duluth, United States, 55804 EMPOWER Possible is dedicated to empowering individuals, organizations, and communities to organize and act together to regenerate our world through Self, Social, and Systems transformation.  info@empowerpossible.com \ Website \ Mission